Re: On greatness

 Being mindful of my thoughts and emotions since I posted yesterday’s entry has led me to the realization of just how much I try to temper my excitement and belief in myself in my daily life. As I was falling asleep, I kept thinking I needed to go back and edit that entry, because I sounded too prideful or too much of a braggart. When others are excited about their achievements, I always celebrate with them and praise them and build them up. Yet with my own life, unless I’m talking to my wife, I’ll always play it way down because it feels wrong to be too loud about myself. 

I really dislike that urge I have to mute myself, but it feels so comfortable… just fade into the back and let someone else discover my achievements and growth first and give me permission to celebrate. Thinking on it now, I wonder how this is connected to my desire to strive for constant improvement and hold myself to such a high standard - and my need to be special, stand-out among the crowd. Otherwise, how would I get noticed at all? So says the voice in my head.

Like I’m not special just being.